Sometimes, as light warriors, wayshowers, revolutionaries, and transformational leaders, the mission and work can be hard. Especially in light of the energy in the world these days.
The mind, body, and spirit can take a huge toll, as a result.
It can be difficult to stay detached and removed from all the external noise … just go on social media and you find yourself being sucked in.
This has been true for me these past months.
In a recent article I wrote, Venturing Back to My Own Vitality, I talked about how I realized that I had lost my spark, my mojo, my vitality.
Well, through some deep self-reflection, mindfulness, and awareness, I came to understand what else has been contributing to my current state.
In addition to the grief, challenges, and struggles with menopause I mentioned in that piece (referenced above), I’ve also come to recognize some deep-seated emotion that has gotten stuck in my system.
Much of it being anger, apathy, and sadness.
Add to that a layer of worry, anxiety, fear, and overall unease.
For the current state of the world hurts my heart. Honestly, there are days when I feel heartbroken as I watch humanity be … well less human.
The absence of kindness, compassion, and grace are hard to witness. And, even more so, the lack of personal responsibility and accountability.
I believe to my core real leadership is a function of three things:
- How we choose to show up
- How we choose to serve others
- How we choose to take personal responsibility inside those two spaces
Yet, these elements seem to be missing and lack of true leadership feels quite defeating. Particularly, if you live here in the United States.
The level of ignorance, blindness, arrogance, and entitlement not only bewilders me, but it often has a tremendous amount of anger rise up in me.
This attachment is hurting me, physically and spiritually.
My Body Has Been Carrying It All
Since this past presidential election, my emotions have been escalating and escalating. I have found myself holding onto so much anger, sadness, irritation, annoyance, and even a sense of betrayal.
While on a higher level of consciousness I know that all is happening in accordance to a bigger plan, and that fundamentally we are at a major turning point for humanity and evolution, the day-to-day energy of it can be overwhelming and exhausting.
As a result, my body has begun to take on a massive toll.
Since just before Thanksgiving, the right side of body began to shut down.
This side of our body represents masculine energy. It’s where we carry our energy for action, momentum, and getting things done.
For me, it’s been my lower body that has started to fight me … my lower back, hips, knee, and shin. All connected to my ability to “move forward.”
It started with a flare up of my scoliosis (which I was diagnosed with at age 12), as I’ve found myself having nights where my back seized up completely rendering me unable to walk for a period of time.
In conjunction with that, my right shin has been on an angry quest over the past two months, often triggered by the simplest of tasks.
Take driving for instance, the ultimate metaphor for moving forward. My shin would activate so much pain driving that I would have to put my car in park at every light just to get it to settle down.
The latest incident has been my right knee.
Last week, after another moment where my back tightened up, I was out doing some thrift shopping with my mom.
When we came back my body was in an excruciating amount of pain. I thought I would rest and ice both my knee and shin. When I went to stand after icing, I took a bad step and heard a pop in my right knee accompanied by a lot of acute pain.
I actually thought I had torn something.
Gratefully, and to the brilliant healing energy of my functional chiropractor, we assessed that nothing was torn. Everything from a medical standpoint actually seemed fine.
The issue was with my mindset and emotionality.
I had stored up a ton of repressed emotions and my body was fighting back, as a result. Like the bestselling book states, “the body keeps score.”
Holding onto to Anger and Sacred Rage
There is a saying I have always felt myself drawn to: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” — I have always believed this, yet here I was drinking the poison.
The past few months, or years really as I think some of this started to hit me at the start of the pandemic, have taken a toll on both my psyche and my heart. Not to mention my emotions.
Whether from a lack of accountability from government officials, pharmaceutical companies, businesses, or people in general, I have felt a quiet anger seething under the surface.
A dear friend of mine, who also is a highly sought-after astrologist for leaders, calls it “cold rage.”
And, there’s been a lot of it.
So much so that has wreaked some havoc and damage on my body as I have been carrying all of it with no place to put it down.
And as a woman, I have been afraid. I’ve allowed fear to take a stronghold over me and it has literally and figuratively caused me paralysis … both in my body and in my mission.
My body has been the container holding it all: the anger, the fear, the despair, the apathy, the worry, the anxiety, and the conflict.
There has been a war going within my own flesh and blood. I have declared war on myself simply by drinking the poison.
And, I’ve lost my connection to my Divine Feminine energy along the way.
Inviting My Divine Feminine Energy Home
Part of my time off during the holidays has been to get back into my body. I went completely dark, pulled off the grid, closed down business, and avoided social media like the plague.
Even before I made the correlation to all the challenges happening inside my body, I knew I needed time away. I was feeling deeply lost, defeated and deflated, and a lack of joy and vitality.
So, despite the logic on my mind, I shut it all down and took a much needed two-week sabbatical to give myself space to come back to me.
To be gentle with myself, to detach, to nurture my soul, and to connect back with my Divine Feminine energy which has been so absent as of late.
As I came off the grid and went into my cocoon, my body took over and began to breakdown little by little. All that pent up emotion finally had space to move. But first, I had to be with what was stuck.
For it’s only in restoring myself that I can lead from a place of impact.
Aligning Myself to the Shift That’s Coming
This New Year is going to be full of challenges, unprecedented energy, and things are going to get a bit spicy. 2025 is going to be a fiery one!
We are shifting on a quantum level right now, and being asked to step into a new level of human consciousness and evolution. Everything is creating momentum for a massive mutation we are undergoing right now.
In Human Design, we talk about this energy that is coming as the Cross of the Sleeping Phoenix. This is the incarnation of a new way of living and being that is prompting us to evolve spiritually.
Human Design is the energetic blueprint we each carry, as does the Universe itself. It’s the coding for how we operate, and we are currently undergoing a massive shift in our wiring.
It is an energy that will urge us to move away from the “we” governance energy of pushing, doing, and having more, to one that brings us into a more individual space of governing ourselves.
I feel as if it’s like we are moving into the teachings of the Tao Te Ching, where it states (and I use a loose translation): “when we learn to govern ourselves, there is no need for governance.”
Thus meaning that when we take care of ourselves, all is taken care of.
The Tao, a classic Chinese text, credited to Lao Tzu, is integral to both philosophical and religious Taoism. Through its 81 verses, it teaches an enlightened and empowered way of living. One that illuminates that the meaning of life is to live our truth, our life, and let others do the same.
As Wayne Dyer simplifies in his powerful book, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, these 81 verses are the applicable codes to living a radically aligned and authentic life.
In order to do so, we must take personal responsibility and accountability for our own thoughts, words, beliefs, and actions.
I find the study of the Tao to be a significant tool in finding our way back home to ourselves. There is a great deal of wisdom in this text.
With that, our systems, even our bodies, are beginning to break down.
They need to as these systems that were designed for more output and throughput are no longer the path to success or fulfillment. We are being asked to step into a new energy of leadership and to redefine success from a place of wellbeing instead.
Our own wellbeing first. Again, the teachings of the Tao tell us this.
I’ve also talked about the role of understanding our own Human Design as being an integral part of discovering how to govern ourselves.
In one of my articles, Redefining Leadership: The Role of Human Design Projectors in Shaping a New World, I call out the specific role of the Projectors (e.g., the wise ones, the seers, and the Oracles here to guide us into this new shift), as we navigate through this change.
In the study of Human Design, we find that there are five archetypes or auras of energy bodies: Manifestors, Generators, Manifesting Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors. Each archetype with their own specific role, as a piece of the Cosmic Puzzle, in the quantum shift underway.
Whether it be to inspire new forms of creativity, to do the meaningful work required to evolve humanity, find faster ways and more efficient ways of doing work, to guide the systems to support that work, or mirror back the health of humanity along the way, plays a critical part.
When we understand our specific archetype, we gain the insight to better assess how we work, rest, and play best. We also learn what triggers feelings of imposter syndrome or moves towards burnout.
As we take responsibility for our own bodies and what they need to enable the energy to the work we each are here to do, our energetic blueprint can provide answers to help us prioritize our own wellness first.
Because the world as we know it is shifting into something we’ve never experienced before. This new state requires that the veil be pulled back and that we seek a new way for humanity.
It also requires that we understand and take responsibility for our part. We have gifts unique to each of us that we are here to put in service to others.
And, we need to be whole, healthy, and healed in order to be the light to illuminate the potential for what’s possible.
Strategies I Am Employing to Heal My Body
I feel the need to slow down. I know that I need to detach from external triggers in order to do just that. So, I am easing into this New Year. I am giving myself space to re-regulate my own body, my mind, and my heart.
Here are some of the strategies I am being intentional about:
- I am taking time for stillness and quiet. By re-engaging in my spiritual practices of mindfulness and meditation, I am able to bring myself back to an energy that feels deeply grounding and nourishing.
- It opens up a pathway for me to talk with God and bring my vibrational frequency back into alignment with a higher consciousness.
- With that, I am creating space for wonder and awe, to just observe the world around me. In addition, I am staying off social media as much as possible and establishing boundaries around what gets me attention.
- I am giving myself space to breathe, to sit by the fire with my sweet Ernie snuggled up beside me, reading and listening to uplifting music.
- By taking care to feed my body with nourishing, healing foods, I am eliminating the excess inflammation my body took on in defense of the emotions I had repressed and stored up.
- I am exploring new levels within my own Human Design. Each time I go into my own chart, I find another layer of insight around what I need.
- My functional chiropractor and I are doing more energy work together, with modalities such as Reiki and breathwork.
I also am writing again, and much more, as is demonstrated here. Writing is cathartic for me and a deeply healing space. It brings me back to myself and allows me gentle space for quiet reflection.
All these things are not only bringing me back to me, but also granting my space to reconnect to my Divine Feminine and to be in flow.
The Natural Flow and Rhythm of Being in Harmony
We all have a need to be in flow with the natural rhythm of our own bodies and spirits. It is in balancing both our Divine Masculine with the Divine Feminine that we are able to bring our energy into harmony.
What that looks like for you might not be the same as the practices I use for myself. Our spiritual path is a personal one.
But, if you keep running and gunning, winding and grinding, and stay in the frenetic cycle of being busy, worrying about everything and everyone, you lose that opportunity to uncover what that path looks like and feels like for you. When you don’t know what the path is, how can you create the harmony your body, mind, and soul need?
It’s only in the slowdown and stillness that we can find our way.
If this period has taught me anything, it’s that our lives require less pushing, less demanding, and less attachment. What we seek is peace.
Peace within our minds, peace within our hearts, peace within our spirits, and peace within our bodies.
It’s not about more … it’s about less.
As this shift is underway, and we all play a role, this year represents a call to ready ourselves to be agents of change, and to usher in a new evolution.
The shift is happening.
And, we can either resist it and create further suffering, taking the biggest toll on our bodies, or we can welcome it, embrace it, and stand ready, healed, and willing to do our individual part.
So, I’m curious … what do you need to do for yourself to get ready?