In a recent article, I began to breakdown the key elements of the NOISE holding us back with the “N” (Negative Self-Talk, Filers and Frames).
Do you ever think about the power of the words you choose? How they can impact your business, your life, and the…blog.venturemagazine.net
As we continue our exploration, we now are going to move on to discussing the mighty “O.” The “O” represents the “Opinions of Others You CHOOSE to Internalize.” And, yes … you are choosing to internalize the thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and programming of others.
The words and opinions of others have a far greater influence on our lives than we often realize. This criticism may be the most insidious and limiting factor that is holding you back and keeping you playing small.
The power to break free lies within you. Let’s break this down, shall we?
Before we start, a reminder for what the N.O.I.S.E. represents:
Do you know, like, trust or respect them?
This is a key question to ask when evaluating whose opinions, feedback, and criticism you choose to internalize. Keep in mind, we often allow the perspective of people we don’t even know, like, trust, or respect program our minds into believing lies about ourselves.
If the person lacks credibility, rapport, or your trust, their views may not be worth holding onto. Consider whether their perspective is truly valuable and worth giving mental/emotional real estate. As Brené states, if that person is not willing to be, or has ever been, in the arena with you, there opinion of you is not worth a damn. ( I paraphrased)
It’s not really about you
When we internalize the opinions of others, we often take things personally that aren’t really about us. Most of what people spew at us is a projection of their own emotional and mental state.
Remembering this can help provide perspective and prevent us from getting caught up in unproductive self-judgment or negative self-talk.
When someone critiques or judges you, it often says more about them than it does about you. Their opinions are colored by their own fears, biases, insecurities, and life experiences. Please do not take it personally.
“Not my circus, not my monkeys”
This is a personal mantra I say to myself and I share with my client. It’s a clever way to trick your mind and convey the idea of not taking ownership for problems or situations that aren’t your to be responsible for, or to fix.
Saying this mantra (even in your mind) helps to ground you in your truth and establish healthy boundaries for yourself. It’s assists you in not getting pulled into unnecessary drama or other people’s responsibilities.
It can be easy to get sucked into other people’s drama or problems, if we’re not careful and mindful. Thus, leaving us feeling obligated to fix things that aren’t truly our responsibility. The best way to keep yourself grounded is to remember — ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’
Strategies to Destroy the N.O.I.S.E.
As I did in my previous article, I would like to offer a few potent strategies to help you effectively remove the blocks holding you back. As we further assess the “O,” here are three strategies you can lean into:
Strategy #1: You are NOT a victim
Nothing is done to you without your permission. Every time you complain about something, blame someone or feel as if life is happening to you, please know that you are allowing yourself to play victim in some capacity.
Identify the 3 ways you might be playing victim:
- Blame: Any time you point the finger out away from you or you find yourself participating in an “us vs. them” mentality.
- Rationalization / Justification: When you feel the need to “explain” your actions and make excuses versus being accountable.
- Complaining: Remember, you attract what you think & speak about; you become a “crap magnet” whenever you find yourself complaining.
When you find yourself blaming others, making excuses, or constantly complaining, pause and reflect. Ground yourself within yourself.
Recognize that you are giving away your power by playing the victim.
Choose to take full responsibility and know that you are responsible for your own thoughts, beliefs, and truth. Because, ultimately, it’s your choice not to play victim. You also can say to yourself: “I am responsible for my own thoughts, beliefs, truth, what I am available for and participate in .”
Strategy #2: Ask yourself, “Is this my truth?”
Before internalizing anyone else opinions (including the opinions in your own mind … aka, your thoughts), ask yourself the following questions:
- Is this true? Is this 100% true?
- Do I have data / proof that supports this thought?
- Is this belief / thought serving me? What do I choose to believe?
You see, everything say to yourself (and, what you think) is nothing more than data points. Words have no meaning until you choose to connect emotional energy and participate with them. They are simply words… and, you have the power to dismiss them and let them simply float away.
So, before you internalize someone’s opinion or criticism, regardless of whether it’s an outside voice or your own inner critic, ask yourself: “Is this 100% true? Do I have proof to back this up? And most importantly, is this belief really serving me and my highest good?”
Strategy #3: Create Empowering Personal Mantras & Affirmations
Wow! The power of a personal mantra and/or affirmation can be extremely empowering. The key is to make it personal. A mantra for the sake of a mantra is just that … a bunch of words smashed together that don’t elicit any real type of personal connection or emotional response.
Make sure to create messages, mantras, and affirmations that deeply resonate with you and induce a positive, powerful, and passionate response that allows you to connect emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
You see, we all have choices. We can choose what we allow to filter in, what we participate with, and what we simply let pass us by. For, leadership ultimately is a choice. And, one that is your opportunity to step into.
We get to choose how we show up, choose how we serve others, and choose how to take personal responsibility inside those two spaces. I have chosen to take my gifts (yes, gifts … even the abuse and trials and tribulations) and my experience to help others know they have choices, too.
I am cognizant of who gets my energy, what information and data I take in, and then what I do with the feedback and insights I glean from outside me. My ability to discern what I focus on by creating solid boundaries has changed my interactions and relationships for the better.
For, I get to decide what is my truth. I get to choose how I define myself and what feels aligned for me. I hold the cards, no one else does. I am the master of my own domain, and a sovereign being who is aligned AF.
The opinions of others have held power over us for far too long.
But, the time has come to take back control. We have an opportunity to filter out the NOISE, and to define our own truths. When we have the courage to question the beliefs and programming we’ve internalized and intentionally choose empowering personal mantras instead, we unlock the door to our greatest potential and our fullest expression.
In doing so, you then become truly aligned AF in who you are, and you realize there is no need to apologize or rationalize your magic. You trust and know your own worth, and recognize the power you posses in simply being YOU. All of you. You live in integrity of your values and value.
For, you become deeply grounded in the knowing that you are enough.
So, what will it take for you to rise above the imposter syndrome and influence and criticism of others? For, the choice truly is yours to make.