How Linear and Systemic Thinking Leaves You Feeling Insecure and Stuck

I used to think that something was wrong with me. You too? 

As a kid, I found it extremely difficult to focus on one thing. Mind you, this was long before we started classifying everyone with ADHD. In my classes, while I was a good student, I often found myself bored or distracted. 

I often felt restless, antsy, agitated, and that I needed to have multiple plates spinning or balls in the air at any given time. I liked to zig and zag, and move between lots things.

I found everything to be interesting, and that my fascination would take me down one rabbit hole after another. I had an insatiable sense of curiosity, and I was known as the “why” child (you know, I asked “why” about pretty much everything … “why this” or “why that”). 

And, let me just tell you, being the “why” child didn’t score me any points. In fact, I was often told that I was being a pain in the ass, and found that teachers would labeled me as being “too inquisitive”.

My favorite saying was, “I have the attention span of a gnat.”

The truth is … I still do.

Though, every time I wanted to play in multiple spaces at once, I also would get chastised and reprimanded for not paying attention. And, I profoundly struggle with just slapping a label on and calling it ADHD.

The message of “will you just focus on one thing?” got pounded into my brain on a repeat loop, along with “can’t you just sit still?”

The reality is … no, to both. 

I mean, to tell you the truth, I can’t even sit still to watch a movie or a game. I usually have a ballgame going on in the background, while working on some creative endeavor, cooking, or doing about three to five other things simultaneously … sometimes just to release a build-up of excess energy. 

However back then, I didn’t realize this was even an option. I seriously thought I was broken, or damaged goods. Perhaps, you can relate? 

Ever feel like people keep trying to put you in one box or another? Like there is this set way you are supposed to show up in order to be successful, otherwise something is seriously wrong with you?

I feel this way ALL the time!

No matter how hard I tried to slow myself down, or to focus on one thing at a time, or to sit still, I never seemed to be able to master any of those things. I would beat myself up for not being able to just “do the thing” … whatever that might be, and however that might show up. 

I also used to stress over standardized tests. I never did well on them. Despite being in the top 5% of my class from 1st grade to senior year of high school, I really struggled with all types of standardized tests.

In fact, I took the ACT three times. 

Two of those times I studied my ass off, took the preparatory classes and pre-quizzes, only to score a 23 both times. I decided to take it a third time as an experiment for myself. When I did, I randomly selected answers based on a pattern that made sense at the time. 

Again, I found myself with a 23.

At the time, I made the simple conclusion that standardized tests were stupid and that they didn’t really prove anything.

Honestly, I still stand behind that premise today. Only now I have more information to back that up.

It wasn’t until I decided to jump down a rabbit hole to explore Human Design that things began to make much clearer sense. 

First, I realized as a Manifesting Generator, I actually am designed to move fast and in between multiple projects at once. It’s why I read five books at a time. I am like the Energizer Bunny, with a LOT of energy … I need outlets to release and discharge that energy so it doesn’t ricochet around my body. 

It’s one of the reason sitting still in school was so challenging for me. 

I need to move. I do best when I can walk and roam about. 

When I can move my body. In fact, my best downloads and creative inspirations typically come when I am either walking Ernie (my dog), hiking on a remote trail, driving, washing dishes, or in the shower. 

It’s when I am in motion that I find I am in my greatest alignment. 

There’s stillness in the movement. 

When I found out that more than 30% of the population is Manifesting Generators, I started to understand why other kids struggle, too. 

Especially when you start to look at the other Types in Human Design, as well. In reality, only about 35% of the population is here to work at a steady pace (Generators … who, also, ironically, need physical movement, too). 

That leaves 65% of the population is not here to do traditional work in a traditional manner. Read that again: 65 percent!

Yet, we have a culture that constantly berets us with the idea that you got to do, do, do. You got to hustle, and wind and grind. You got to work from sunrise to bedtime. It’s crazy, because most of the population isn’t even designed for that. It’s the very thing sucking the life out of us!

No wonder so many people are burnt out and tapped out!

Also, as I better understood the openness in my chart, I began to fully understand where I tend to get triggered the most, where my biggest fears reside, and how I create a narrative around imposter syndrome for myself.

Two of those areas that play into this discussion, are the openness I have in both my Head and Ajna Center. 

Not only are they both undefined, meaning I absorb and amplify the energy of others around me, both Centers are completely wide open.

This means I don’t have access to consistent energy in any of the Gates within those Centers either. These two Centers are where I am most susceptible to programming, conditioning, a build up of pressure, and feeling like I am not enough or worthy.

That openness can make it feel like something is missing. For instance, “Why couldn’t I focus on only one thing at a time? How come I struggle to know which inspiration to follow (aka, shiny squirrel syndrome)? Why I do I struggle for a need to feel certain about my ideas and what I believe?

Well, these are actually questions I have an opportunity to release.

Because, the truth is … I am not designed for that. 

I am here to explore the realm of infinite possibilities, to see potential in everything, to gain wisdom on how to discern what is important to focus on and what is not, and to realize that I am not wired for certainty.

Wow, talk about a HUGE revelation. 

I mean, c’mon … imagine if we all had access to that understanding about our own wiring, our own energy. Imagine if you knew what that meant for you, and for your kids? 

Wouldn’t it change the expectations you carry about yourself? Wouldn’t it create space for more curiosity and grace? Wouldn’t it change how you raise and teach your kids? Wouldn’t it give you permission to be you?

Which brings me back to standardized tests.

I never did well on them because I can see probable solutions in multiple answers. I overthink all the possibilities, thus creating a rationale why more than one answer could be right. I don’t think in a linear way, as my thinking is more abstract, and more in the quantum realm.

Standardized tests are designed to only measure linear thinking. 

Those with defined Head and Ajna Centers likely do extremely well on those tests. Those who have undefined or open Centers won’t.

So, perhaps your child is struggling with standardized tests, too? Maybe they struggle to feel as if they are smart enough, as a result? Maybe they feel this pressure to perform in a way that’s not natural for them?

Imagine if, instead, we stop placing so much value on structured tests like these … imagine if we created multiple ways to measure potential.

It’s crazy, I know. 

I see this so clearly now. I went to engineering school (and, one of the top-rated private engineering schools in the country, at that), where I graduated with a 3.2 GPA. I also ran four organizations during my time on campus, volunteered, worked three jobs, and played soccer. 

I say all this because, at the time, due to my grades, my extracurricular activities, and my written application essay, I was accepted on a part-time scholarship along with numerous grants with my ACT score of 23.

Today though, I wouldn’t even get considered, let alone, accepted at my former alma mater (which, by the way, I also served as President for the Alumni Association), as, now, their standard for admittance is a baseline of 28 or higher on the ACT. I know this because I used to serve on the interview committee to screen potential enrollment candidates.

I even was the recipient of the inaugural Tom Davis Leadership Award. My contributions were vast and many, including starting a nonprofit event on campus. Yet, today … it would be almost impossible for me to be accepted based on the new standards, and the linear system they have in place.

It makes me wonder how many other emerging leaders aren’t given the chance to shine simply because they don’t meet some arbitrary standard that measures only one form of intelligence and potential. I didn’t go to law school for the same reason. I scored a 154 of my LSAT. My “average” score wasn’t enough for me to be accepted in the program I wanted.

Gratefully, that all led me down a different path. 

Everything happens for a reason. I see now that part of my growth has been in the journey to love all the parts of me, especially those that veer down a different path than that which is expected. 

I love that I don’t think linearly. It helps me do expansive work with my clients, as I can help them tap into possibilities and potential they can’t see.

And, it was in understanding my own energetic blueprint, my Human Design, that I found a space to give myself permission to just be me.

So, imagine if you had access to the inside track on how you are wired? Would that change things for you? Have you accessed your Human Design chart? Or, that of your kids? You might be surprised what you learn about yourself, and what you learn about them.

Because, I feel strongly that it is high time we stop allowing ourselves to be stuffed into, yet, another box. To rid ourselves of all the labels and systems holding us back. Image if, instead, we rewrote the playbook. 

Imagine if, we choose to meet people where they are at, accept them for who they are, and then lift them into their own greater potential. 

Imagine a world like that …

Feeling like Imposter Syndrome takes you out? Be sure to grab a copy of my FREE Guide: How to Recognize, Reframe & Rise Above Imposter Syndrome (also lovingly called: How to Tell Imposter Syndrome to F*ck Off)